Category Archives: Uncategorized

>Gagsy Needs a New Title

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So Gagsy has been rockin and rollin with his medicine. I’ve had no chocolate milk on my floor or shoes or sink, and no gelatinous, half-mauled capsules upchucked into my trash can.

On top of that, if he swallows it when he thinks I’m not looking (I’m ALWAYS looking), he’ll clear his throat and say,

“Annnnd guess what? I just swallowed my pill again.”

With a casual “what’s up” nod and a finger pointed in my direction, he heads out the door, slapping high fives on his way down the hall.

This is the only kid I know with a touchdown dance for his first success of each school day.

>Shake First, Ask Questions Later?

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I’m in my office, minding my own business, when a woman walks in. I’ve seen her before around the school.
TM: Hello, are you the Nurse?
Me: Sure am! My name is Sara. It’s nice to meet you.
We shake hands and smile and it’s all very nice… Until:
Typhoid Mary: DOES *THIS* LOOK LIKE PINK EYE?
Holy crap, thanks for the freaking heads up.

>New Use for Latex?

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How disturbing is this? I was outside hunting down a first grader when I caught a little girl chasing her friend with a…. Balloon? (please tell me it’s not a…) Turd? (well, that would be better than a…) Whew. It was a glove. Still eww, but not the worst kind of eww. Have I mentioned that kids are yuck?

>Dino-Mite!

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A gift from FS. His new name is Alfie.

>PLAQUE ATTACK!

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I spent most of Thursday moving from one kindergarten class to the next, demonstrating proper oral hygiene with the help of Mr Monster and the Plaque Attack. The kids at the end of the day got a totally different message than my first group:

ME: “Does everyone have a toothbrush? If so, does it look kind of like this [I hold up Big Blue]?”

Approx 1/3 of the class- “YESSSSSS!!”
The other 2/3: “Nooooo, mine is not like that. Mine is (blue! Purple! Superman! RAAAIIINNNBOOOWWW!!)!!

ME: “Yes Dudley, if we don’t brush our teeth, it IS possible for our teeth to fall out [there is a brief but distinct sucking sound as all 20 kids open their mouths at the exact same time]

Approx 1/3 of the children- “TEACHER! (or DOCTOR! or SARA!!) ILOSTTHISTOOTHRIGHTHERE!! SEE? SEE IT?”

Approx 2/3 of the class- “TEACHER! (or DOCTOR! or SARA!!) THISTOOTHISLOOSE! RIGHT HERE! I’MLOSINGITSOON!! RIGHT HERE! SEE IT? NURSE! SEE MY LOOSE TOOTH?”

It took a nanosecond to realize these errors and several hours  to extract myself from them. Okay, maybe it just felt like hours. Anyway, the kids all took turns brushing the monster’s teeth and it was very cute and civilized.

Until one of the disgruntled students who had already had her turn stated loudly (and repeatedly), “I think his teeth look pretty clean. Yep! They sure look clean to me!” She had apparently moved on to the next big thing. Whatevs. NBD. I can deal with the rejection, but I think Mr. Monster’s smile looks a little forced. Poor guy.

>Measuring A Pickle’s Worth

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Gagsy has rocked his medicine 2 days in a row! I really can’t believe it still, and feel the need to make long, teary-eyed speeches when I pass him in the hall.

He was in possession of a 1$ coin this morning. He showed it to a teacher who was passing through my office, and she left to get him a magnifying glass so they could inspect it more closely. While she was gone, he handed it to me. I was looking at it and he said, “It’s REAL GOLD! I even bit it and everything!”  There was a brief pause, then he added, “Don’t worry. I washed it off.” 

The teacher returned and she was explaining to him that some coins are worth a lot, and that he could look it up online to find the value.

“I know what it’s worth. My friend told me it’s TWO PICKLES!”

Pickles are sometimes available for sale as fundraisers. We know where his dollar is going.

>Ground Cover

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Out here we take what we can get. But look what we got!! We haven’t looked it up yet but it kind of looks like a cross between green sage and lamb’s ear. Any ideas?

>Plans for the week

>Well Folks, It’s been awhile since my last post. Spring break was last week- Luke took the week off as well- and we landed in Moab, UT for a few days. The rock scrambling is good for the soul. So is the amazing tiramisu we had at a restaurant on our last night of the trip.

Seeing as how I’ve been out of work for 15 of the last 16 days, I understandably have little to no material for the blog. I expect this to change tomorrow, as I plan on returning with a CRASH and a BANG. Some activities for the week:

I’ll be putting on the dental hygiene day for the Kinders. This involves brushing the Tooth MONSTER’s teeth. Should be a good show. I’ll be looking for one-liners and inappropriate usage of the giant fake toothbrush.

I’ll be seeing Gagsy for the first time in two weeks. Rumor has it that he has learned to swallow his medicine like a normal human being. According to the sub RN, I could have “just told him to swallow it.” I’m understandably bitter about this, and HAVE to assume that something changed in that big ‘ol developing head that allows him to toss it back. We’ll see. I’m not convinced it’s gonna happen. Reaaalllly not looking forward to the water and pill on the floor stunt.

Easter is coming!! So who will be joining us? BonesBunny? That would be the best option, since having a skeleton Jesus rising from the dead is… just a little… well… Okay. I know my limits.

I realized the other day that F4 is not going to be in 4th grade forever. What I don’t know is whether he can still be F4 next year, or if he will need to be F5. I guess it mostly depends on whether I still like him next year. Kidding. That kid is awesome.

I can’t wait to get back to work and get my love from those kids. I may have to rig up some sort of self-triggering sanitation spray at the door of my office to prevent contamination. Or maybe a snare. If I can stop them from rushing me with their puke-breath and sticky hands I think I’d be alright. Let me know your thoughts! See ya!

>No Luck ‘O’ the Irish

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This bulliten board is a sad testament to my St. Patty’s week. I felt more like I had been transported back to the Oregon Trail game:

Sara has dysentery. You are delayed 5 days and lose one cow.
After 5 days of near incapacitation, 5 lbs total weight loss (I think they call it the “Hollywood Cleanse”), and 4 missed days of work, I scraped and clawed my way back into the land of the living.

On Tuesday, I tried to go to work and was sent home almost immediately. F4 came in for his morning medicine before I was kicked out. His eyes got big and the first words out of his mouth were, “Whoa. Your hair is CRRRAAAAZY.”
On arrival to my office this morning he told me, “You were sick. Really sick. Wanna know how I know? Because your hair was CRAZY. It looked like it came from the 70s.” Funny what kids focus on.

Back to the leprechaun. He had a torso when I left on friday. Poor FS was left to do her job and the majority of my job all week, so when the ribcage fell, it understandably stayed down. Annndd I never finished the best part. No pot ‘o’ gold with chocolate gold coins for my deprived little ones. I’m just glad I lived to see spring break. I can deal with Conan O’Bones later.

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>Success!

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It happened. Gagsy went a whole week without spitting on my floor. He done won himself a Smencil!

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