>Common Ailments Translated

>They say: I feel like a shark is biting me in the stomach
Translation: I’m hungry. I will eat all your backup teddy grahams, then stand up and shake all the crumbs onto the floor. That’s how I roll.

They say: Someone call my grandma!! I think THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!!
Translation: I was running outside and collided with the large, hard skull of the student in front of me. There is a small drop of blood of unknown origin on this tissue. I think I can smell my own brain, but really, it’s a smear of chili on my shirt from lunch. Chili is my favorite lunch. What are we having for lunch tomorrow?

They say: [while blubbering. snot bubbles have formed and are growing dangerously close to the upper lip] THEREWASTHISBOY! ANDHEWASCHASINGMEANDMYFRIENDTRIEDTOHELPMEBUTHEPUSHEDMEANDIFELL!!!!
Translation: There was this boy. I was chasing him and he turned around and pushed me and I fell.

More to come as I navigate this new and confounding language.


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