Minor Emergencies

So Gagsy has been rockin and rollin with his medicine. I’ve had no chocolate milk on my floor or shoes or sink, and no gelatinous, half-mauled capsules upchucked into my trash can.

On top of that, if he swallows it when he thinks I’m not looking (I’m ALWAYS looking), he’ll clear his throat and say,

“Annnnd guess what? I just swallowed my pill again.”

With a casual “what’s up” nod and a finger pointed in my direction, he heads out the door, slapping high fives on his way down the hall.

This is the only kid I know with a touchdown dance for his first success of each school day.

I’m in my office, minding my own business, when a woman walks in. I’ve seen her before around the school.
TM: Hello, are you the Nurse?
Me: Sure am! My name is Sara. It’s nice to meet you.
We shake hands and smile and it’s all very nice… Until:
Typhoid Mary: DOES *THIS* LOOK LIKE PINK EYE?
Holy crap, thanks for the freaking heads up.

How disturbing is this? I was outside hunting down a first grader when I caught a little girl chasing her friend with a…. Balloon? (please tell me it’s not a…) Turd? (well, that would be better than a…) Whew. It was a glove. Still eww, but not the worst kind of eww. Have I mentioned that kids are yuck?

A gift from FS. His new name is Alfie.

I spent most of Thursday moving from one kindergarten class to the next, demonstrating proper oral hygiene with the help of Mr Monster and the Plaque Attack. The kids at the end of the day got a totally different message than my first group:

ME: “Does everyone have a toothbrush? If so, does it look kind of like this [I hold up Big Blue]?”

Approx 1/3 of the class- “YESSSSSS!!”
The other 2/3: “Nooooo, mine is not like that. Mine is (blue! Purple! Superman! RAAAIIINNNBOOOWWW!!)!!

ME: “Yes Dudley, if we don’t brush our teeth, it IS possible for our teeth to fall out [there is a brief but distinct sucking sound as all 20 kids open their mouths at the exact same time]

Approx 1/3 of the children- “TEACHER! (or DOCTOR! or SARA!!) ILOSTTHISTOOTHRIGHTHERE!! SEE? SEE IT?”

Approx 2/3 of the class- “TEACHER! (or DOCTOR! or SARA!!) THISTOOTHISLOOSE! RIGHT HERE! I’MLOSINGITSOON!! RIGHT HERE! SEE IT? NURSE! SEE MY LOOSE TOOTH?”

It took a nanosecond to realize these errors and several hours  to extract myself from them. Okay, maybe it just felt like hours. Anyway, the kids all took turns brushing the monster’s teeth and it was very cute and civilized.

Until one of the disgruntled students who had already had her turn stated loudly (and repeatedly), “I think his teeth look pretty clean. Yep! They sure look clean to me!” She had apparently moved on to the next big thing. Whatevs. NBD. I can deal with the rejection, but I think Mr. Monster’s smile looks a little forced. Poor guy.

Gagsy has rocked his medicine 2 days in a row! I really can’t believe it still, and feel the need to make long, teary-eyed speeches when I pass him in the hall.

He was in possession of a 1$ coin this morning. He showed it to a teacher who was passing through my office, and she left to get him a magnifying glass so they could inspect it more closely. While she was gone, he handed it to me. I was looking at it and he said, “It’s REAL GOLD! I even bit it and everything!”  There was a brief pause, then he added, “Don’t worry. I washed it off.” 

The teacher returned and she was explaining to him that some coins are worth a lot, and that he could look it up online to find the value.

“I know what it’s worth. My friend told me it’s TWO PICKLES!”

Pickles are sometimes available for sale as fundraisers. We know where his dollar is going.