Minor Emergencies

>

>Well Folks, It’s been awhile since my last post. Spring break was last week- Luke took the week off as well- and we landed in Moab, UT for a few days. The rock scrambling is good for the soul. So is the amazing tiramisu we had at a restaurant on our last night of the trip.

Seeing as how I’ve been out of work for 15 of the last 16 days, I understandably have little to no material for the blog. I expect this to change tomorrow, as I plan on returning with a CRASH and a BANG. Some activities for the week:

I’ll be putting on the dental hygiene day for the Kinders. This involves brushing the Tooth MONSTER’s teeth. Should be a good show. I’ll be looking for one-liners and inappropriate usage of the giant fake toothbrush.

I’ll be seeing Gagsy for the first time in two weeks. Rumor has it that he has learned to swallow his medicine like a normal human being. According to the sub RN, I could have “just told him to swallow it.” I’m understandably bitter about this, and HAVE to assume that something changed in that big ‘ol developing head that allows him to toss it back. We’ll see. I’m not convinced it’s gonna happen. Reaaalllly not looking forward to the water and pill on the floor stunt.

Easter is coming!! So who will be joining us? BonesBunny? That would be the best option, since having a skeleton Jesus rising from the dead is… just a little… well… Okay. I know my limits.

I realized the other day that F4 is not going to be in 4th grade forever. What I don’t know is whether he can still be F4 next year, or if he will need to be F5. I guess it mostly depends on whether I still like him next year. Kidding. That kid is awesome.

I can’t wait to get back to work and get my love from those kids. I may have to rig up some sort of self-triggering sanitation spray at the door of my office to prevent contamination. Or maybe a snare. If I can stop them from rushing me with their puke-breath and sticky hands I think I’d be alright. Let me know your thoughts! See ya!

>

This bulliten board is a sad testament to my St. Patty’s week. I felt more like I had been transported back to the Oregon Trail game:

Sara has dysentery. You are delayed 5 days and lose one cow.
After 5 days of near incapacitation, 5 lbs total weight loss (I think they call it the “Hollywood Cleanse”), and 4 missed days of work, I scraped and clawed my way back into the land of the living.

On Tuesday, I tried to go to work and was sent home almost immediately. F4 came in for his morning medicine before I was kicked out. His eyes got big and the first words out of his mouth were, “Whoa. Your hair is CRRRAAAAZY.”
On arrival to my office this morning he told me, “You were sick. Really sick. Wanna know how I know? Because your hair was CRAZY. It looked like it came from the 70s.” Funny what kids focus on.

Back to the leprechaun. He had a torso when I left on friday. Poor FS was left to do her job and the majority of my job all week, so when the ribcage fell, it understandably stayed down. Annndd I never finished the best part. No pot ‘o’ gold with chocolate gold coins for my deprived little ones. I’m just glad I lived to see spring break. I can deal with Conan O’Bones later.

>

It happened. Gagsy went a whole week without spitting on my floor. He done won himself a Smencil!

>An upset 3rd grader stomps into my office.

Me: “Whoa. What happened?! Are you okay.?”
Hulk: “No! The teacher got me in trouble for something I didn’t even do!”
Me: “Wanna talk about it?”
Hulk: “I’m so mad! It wasn’t my fault! Ricky was bugging me and he wouldn’t leave me alone. He made me hit him! He knows that if he keeps on making me mad that I can’t control my actions!”

Not gonna touch that one.

Also, a feisty 2nd grader came in from recess. She’s panting and trying to tell me the story at the same time.

Ramona: “Iwasoutside…andaboywaschasingmeandmyfriend… andhewouldn’tleaveusalone… and he made me hurt my hand.”

I look down to see her third knuckle on her fist is skinned. When that hand bone is broken, it’s called a boxer’s fracture. Sounds like someone was practicing her right hook on an unsuspecting admirer.

>

A 5th grader comes looking for me in FS’s office to tell me that he was the victim of a run-by hooping. When I asked him where he was injured, he answered, “the gym.” I guess I needed to be more specific. 😀

>A kid came to use his inhaler this morning. No biggie. Kids are coming in all the time for their ‘as needed’ puff-breaks. At around 1030, he comes back and heads for the inhalers. We’ve already had the conversation re: having to wait 4hrs between doses, so I ask what he’s doing.

Me: “What the heck! Weren’t you just in here?”
Kid: “uh, yeah. I have PE, and when we get in trouble, like if we talk too much, Coach makes us run laps.”
Me: “So are you in trouble?”
Kid: “No. We haven’t had class yet.”
Me: “Soooooo if you can’t have your inhaler because it’s too soon, and if you get in trouble then you have to run, what do you need to do?”
Kid: [blank stare]
Me: “Stay out of trouble!”
Kid: [another blank stare]
Me: “okay, let’s try again. You can’t have your inhaler. Coach will make you run laps if you talk when he’s talking. You don’t want to run laps without taking your inhaler. So, what should you do?
Kid: “…. don’t come too early for my inhaler?”
Me: o_0

Can’t win today. Guess I’ll just reset the scoreboard for tomorrow. Bring it! Tomorrow, I mean, not today. In my head, today is officially over.

>My favorite Kinder, Romeo, caught me in the hallway. It’s been awhile, so I knelt down to have a little conversation. He announced, “I’m six!” He then leaned in for a hug, so I’m busy saying happy birthday and asking him how his day was when he said, “NO! I’m SICK.”

Oh. Well I guess no congratulations are in order. So I have him come with me on my errand down the big kids hallway, and bring him into my office for a temp check. No fever. He’s looking pretty good, so I decided to try the faker test on him. As soon as I mentioned it, he started to grin. I tell you, these dimples are trouble. By the time I reach his nose, he’s chortling and has his eyes closed with a huuuuge smile on that little face.

Me: “I see all your dimples!! I think you’re going to be A-OK.”
Romeo: “Noooo, these dimples (points to them and looks down to scuff at the floor), These dimples are sad dimples.”

Although I sent him back to class, I was totally melted. He reappeared about 2 minutes later to show me an itsy bitsy red mark on his finger. I grabbed a bandaid, and he said, “Nooo, not that one. Were are da udder ones??” So Romeo managed to procure a coveted Sponge-Bob bandaid. And yes, I’m hoping he remembers to come back today for another. =) 

>You haven’t lived til a 3ft tall kid with a mowhawk points both fingers at you, winks, and says, “Hey Hey, baby Chica!”

>Heard today: “Did you know that if you don’t take care of your blood, your eyeballs will fall out?”

When pressed for details by Nurse Wonderful (who is always on the lookout for a nursing education moment), he answers, “I don’t know. I think I read it in a book.” Well, at least it was partial retention, right?