Minor Emergencies

>Same kid with the “bless-shoes” came in today for his inhaler. He sees Mr. Bones up on the bulletin board…

Wheezy: “What’s George Lincoln doing up there??!” (I’ll post pics of my rockin’ new bulletin board tomorrow)
Me: Well, this is George Washington and that’s Abraham Lincoln. They both used to be Presidents.
Wheezy: So why are they up there?
Me: Presidents’ Day is coming up. It’s a day we picked to celebrate their birthdays!
Wheezy: Hmm. Well it’s a good thing we don’t have to buy a birthday cake and candles and a present for them cause they’re already dead! They’re dead already. Right?

>A kid comes in for his pre-PE inhaler. Between puffs he says, “You probly noticed that I sound funny when I talk, it’s because I have to breathe only through my nose because when I was sleeping with my mom last night I bless-shoed too many times.” Incredulous me says, “you sneezed?” His response: “yes. I bless-shoed 10 times.”

Not 11, but 10 bless-shoes in one night. No WONDER he needs to breath only through his nose…… ?!

Also: “I’m about to have a baby cousin! I think it’s going to be a boy or a girl! ” Well I would hope so… 😀

>Well, it’s been a heck of a week so far. I opened my email (for the first time in exactly 17days) to find that FS (Favorite Secretary) has begun the countdown to spring break. 53 working days. Deep breath. That’s a long time to go, but I think we can do it.

I only had to bust into the super-secret favorite chocolate stash twice in the past 3 days. All the good candy hides in there. Only to be used in emergencies:

Like when I realized that the vision machine I drove TWICE to central office to pick up (once for the elusive power cord) wasn’t working after I charged it all night long so I could have a super duper productive day of screening. I didn’t know it wasn’t working until I brought the first 5th grader in- he’s a quiet, nice kid who waited patiently while I fumbled with the battery. I told him I was sorry he was stuck here with me (instead of in the classroom learning something) while I tried to figure the machine out. He shrugged and said, “It’s okay. I don’t want to learn anything.” Big smile. Turd.

Turns out the battery was in backwards. o_0

We had another kid who came to the office to eat his lunch- this happens when they get in trouble in the lunchroom- he came up to favorite secretary and told her he was allergic to dairy and couldn’t drink his milk. He required a different beverage. FS came to me and we looked in his record. It wasn’t listed in his allergies, but it’s not uncommon for parents to skip over such minuscule details of their kids lives. When the mom came in later, FS told her she needed to update the medical forms to reflect the allergy. The mom almost falls over laughing. Apparently he pulled one over on us. Gotta give him a point for that.

I also learned that it is impossible to eat 6 saltine crackers in 60seconds without a drink. I had heard it before but it wasn’t until cracker #4 was coughed across my office by FS’s lovely and hilarious daughter did I believe it. No really, you need to try this. Let me know how it goes. =D

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First Prize response came from a concerned Kinder:

“Santa’s Bones??”

Let me take this opportunity to stress the importance of a well-placed apostrophe. =D

And yes, there are presents under the bag.

>I love Christmas Break. I get time to recharge, cook, relax, and see family, while the kids get to go home and think up new material for me. I figure they have two weeks, they should be able to come up with some pretty funny stuff. What ELSE would they be doing right now??

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When a kid gets sent home sick, I usually will head down to the classroom to pick up their backpack. If I’m ready for a laugh, I get the description of it from the kid:

“It’s the pink one with the princess” (Ohhhh, THAT pink one with the princess!)

“It’s black and white and soooooo big. Not like a giant would wear. But reeaaaalll big.”

Or, like today, I head out without any tips and hunt for the right bag. We found what we thought was the correct backpack, and opened it to confirm with his homework. Instead we find rocks. Nothing special- just rocks. So awesome. I can only assume that both my husband and father would approve wholeheartedly, given that they both have extensive rock collections and are envious when passing “rocks” too big to take home in their backpacks. These could also be described as… boulders.

This kid is on the right path. And if he’s not, he can always pave a new one.

>Sometimes kids forget to look at the whole picture.

I’ve quoted a little girl in the past who will find any reason to a) tattle, or b) whine. Problem is that she’s adorable, and so people let her. Today, she comes gimping into my office, doubled over, crying that her “tummyhurtsreallyreallybad!”. I get her into one of the stretchers. No fever. Looks good besides the contorted body and facial expression.

Nurse Sara has a secret weapon today. Santa.

McCutey: it huuurrrrts. 😥
Me: Wow. This is a really bad day to go home sick. Don’t you know what’s happening later?
McCutey: no… [she’s on the hook now- I can see her perking up]
Me: Santa’s coming: and he’s bringing everyone a present!
McCutey: Are you for reals? (I swear that’s what she said!)
Me: ohhhh yeah. Everyone is getting a bag filled with treats! Santa’s handing them out this afternoon.
McCutey: I LOVE TREATS!! [Huge grin. This kid isn’t going anywhere.]
Me: well, if you go home because your tummy hurts, you’ll miss Santa AND movie day tomorrow. Bummer.
McCutey: yeah… [that little brain is practically smoking: how can I get out of going home??]
Me [going in for the kill]: Is your stomach starting to feel any better? I sure hope so, cause then you wouldn’t miss Santa! You want to try to tough it out?
McCutey: yeah. I’ll try.

She then hops off the stretcher and starts to run out of my office, catching herself just in time to clutch her stomach and hobble out of the room.

>Alright Guys, I think I may have fixed the issue with leaving comments after the posts. I had to take away all moderation, so be sweet and don’t post too many embarrassing stories of me when I was little… 😉

And I know there’s more than 3, or even 6 of you out there. As far as I’m concerned, I would be throwing all this out there even if there was just one. So here is my note:

Dear Readers:

I think you all are pretty swell. Be sure to laugh til you wet your pants a little. Be sure to share your stories. Try to keep in touch. Most of all: Don’t forget to wash your hands. There’s a nasty little GI bug going around…

Love, Sara Rose

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Today is the day before Favorite Secretary’s birthday. The cool thing about working in an elementary school is that we have access to 364 Birthday Song Singers. And man, they are enthusiastic. This is not 4 bored, eye-rolling servers in the Red Robin. This is the real deal. We belted that bad boy out. Between the singing, the brownie tower, funny card, and desk decorations, very little got done after about 11am.

Here is a totally unrelated story (I can do that because it’s my blog):

I have a funny relationship with a 3 year-old who visits the school on a near daily basis. His older brother is a kinder and his mama is the PTA queen. Bam-Bam is a small, somber little boy with huge dark brown eyes and blond hair. A winning combination. For the first few weeks of school, if I walked near him, he would stand up, walk behind his mom, and announce, “NOOOO!”. He would stand on the bench in front of the office and watch me with his Bambi eyes. There’s a pass through window where he stands. The first time I stuck my arm through and poked him in the back of the head, you would think I was Stranger Danger about to claim a new victim.

I can’t help it. The more obstinate they are, the more I want to harass them. It’s a worthy challenge.

Over the past few months, we’ve been increasing our conversation time. He’s spoken whole sentences at me. Granted, he usually waits until I’ve given up and walked away, but I’ve gotten sneaky and now will round the corner and stop so I can peek back at him. This will elicit a grin- and then he runs away. Well, I hit the jackpot today.

BB: There is some paper [pointing to the stack of scratch paper on FS’s desk]
Me: Yep. It’s really good for notes. You want one?
BB: [huge eyes. shrugs.]
Me: [Reading aloud] Dear Bam Bam: I think you are cool. Love, Nurse Sara

BB’s mom then asks him if he sees his name on the paper: “B-A-M-B-A-M! BamBam! At the top!” (this is a smart kid)

BamBam is a near clone of his older brother. Both boys are quiet, observant, and somber. Beautiful brown eyes. At the end of the day I hear BB’s mom outside my office. She’s telling Big Brother to go ask me something. I hear the word “Note”. I poke my head around the corner and see BB standing in the doorway, shoulders back, chest puffed. He’s holding The Note. I then see a leg sticking out from behind Mama. And the side of a very red face. Once my task has been identified, I make a new note- this one for big brother-  and take it to him. He snags it from my hand. His mom is trying to get him to say thank you, and the poor kid is so embarrassed he’s starting to tear up. I can’t take the torture and retreat to my office to finish closing up for the day. After a few minutes I peek out the window and see the boys laughing and talking excitedly, both holding their special notes.

I had Absolutely. No. Idea. that a teeny little sentence had so much power. What a quick and easy way to share the love. So many of our kids don’t get positive attention from adults. I was raised in an absolutely beautiful environment and before I became a nurse, I would have never guessed at the level of disregard for some of these children. So, all 3 of you lovely readers out there, think of The Note and take a second to give an unexpected bit o’ love to someone. I’d bet a million dollars and a stack of brownies that you’ll be smiling after.