Category Archives: Uncategorized

>An upset 3rd grader stomps into my office.

Me: “Whoa. What happened?! Are you okay.?”
Hulk: “No! The teacher got me in trouble for something I didn’t even do!”
Me: “Wanna talk about it?”
Hulk: “I’m so mad! It wasn’t my fault! Ricky was bugging me and he wouldn’t leave me alone. He made me hit him! He knows that if he keeps on making me mad that I can’t control my actions!”

Not gonna touch that one.

Also, a feisty 2nd grader came in from recess. She’s panting and trying to tell me the story at the same time.

Ramona: “Iwasoutside…andaboywaschasingmeandmyfriend… andhewouldn’tleaveusalone… and he made me hurt my hand.”

I look down to see her third knuckle on her fist is skinned. When that hand bone is broken, it’s called a boxer’s fracture. Sounds like someone was practicing her right hook on an unsuspecting admirer.

>

A 5th grader comes looking for me in FS’s office to tell me that he was the victim of a run-by hooping. When I asked him where he was injured, he answered, “the gym.” I guess I needed to be more specific. 😀

>A kid came to use his inhaler this morning. No biggie. Kids are coming in all the time for their ‘as needed’ puff-breaks. At around 1030, he comes back and heads for the inhalers. We’ve already had the conversation re: having to wait 4hrs between doses, so I ask what he’s doing.

Me: “What the heck! Weren’t you just in here?”
Kid: “uh, yeah. I have PE, and when we get in trouble, like if we talk too much, Coach makes us run laps.”
Me: “So are you in trouble?”
Kid: “No. We haven’t had class yet.”
Me: “Soooooo if you can’t have your inhaler because it’s too soon, and if you get in trouble then you have to run, what do you need to do?”
Kid: [blank stare]
Me: “Stay out of trouble!”
Kid: [another blank stare]
Me: “okay, let’s try again. You can’t have your inhaler. Coach will make you run laps if you talk when he’s talking. You don’t want to run laps without taking your inhaler. So, what should you do?
Kid: “…. don’t come too early for my inhaler?”
Me: o_0

Can’t win today. Guess I’ll just reset the scoreboard for tomorrow. Bring it! Tomorrow, I mean, not today. In my head, today is officially over.

>My favorite Kinder, Romeo, caught me in the hallway. It’s been awhile, so I knelt down to have a little conversation. He announced, “I’m six!” He then leaned in for a hug, so I’m busy saying happy birthday and asking him how his day was when he said, “NO! I’m SICK.”

Oh. Well I guess no congratulations are in order. So I have him come with me on my errand down the big kids hallway, and bring him into my office for a temp check. No fever. He’s looking pretty good, so I decided to try the faker test on him. As soon as I mentioned it, he started to grin. I tell you, these dimples are trouble. By the time I reach his nose, he’s chortling and has his eyes closed with a huuuuge smile on that little face.

Me: “I see all your dimples!! I think you’re going to be A-OK.”
Romeo: “Noooo, these dimples (points to them and looks down to scuff at the floor), These dimples are sad dimples.”

Although I sent him back to class, I was totally melted. He reappeared about 2 minutes later to show me an itsy bitsy red mark on his finger. I grabbed a bandaid, and he said, “Nooo, not that one. Were are da udder ones??” So Romeo managed to procure a coveted Sponge-Bob bandaid. And yes, I’m hoping he remembers to come back today for another. =) 

>You haven’t lived til a 3ft tall kid with a mowhawk points both fingers at you, winks, and says, “Hey Hey, baby Chica!”

>Heard today: “Did you know that if you don’t take care of your blood, your eyeballs will fall out?”

When pressed for details by Nurse Wonderful (who is always on the lookout for a nursing education moment), he answers, “I don’t know. I think I read it in a book.” Well, at least it was partial retention, right?

>This kid is a blessing and a curse. I’m having a rough case of the Mondays, and he waltzes in with his chocolate milk. Game on.

He says (through clenched teeth): “My face is frozen.”
Me: hmm. That’s odd, why is it frozen?
Gagsy: I was outside, and the side of my face is frozen. I can’t open my mouth.

I pull his teacher (who is fully aware of our morning routine) into my office and explain to her why he won’t get his medicine today. Lo and behold, his mouth unfreezes! It’s a miracle!

Gagsy (while massaging his jaw): Thank goodness. I was afraid I had frostbite!

If you think climbing Everest is bad, you should try 3rd grade. Good thing we didn’t lose him. I don’t know WHAT I would do for entertainment in the morning.

>A little chipmunk came into my office and sobbed, “IWASOUTSIDEIWASPLAYINGWITHMYFRIENDSANDABALLHITMYFACE!!” Of course, her cute little button nose is entirely intact.

I get her to show it to me and say the magic words: “I’m the nurse and it looks like you’re going to be okay.” When paired with a convincing nod, this statement goes a looong way. She seemed unsure, but began to nod with me. I can imagine her hypnotized child brain to be saying, “yes… YES! I AM going to be okay. Whew.”

I also stumbled upon a fabulous new medical test. We nurses all know Macburney’s point, the battle sign, and Homan’s sign- there are about a bazillion of them. The faker test is remarkably easy. All it takes is a smile on your part, and a light fingertip tap to the tip of the nose. A kiddo with a malingering ailment or an invisible injury will smile- a full dimpled, snaggle-toothed, nose crinkling smile.

The bonus is an immediate attitude adjustment for both parties. As far as I can tell, it works almost every time. I’ll be experimenting and publishing my results in the near future. Wish me luck!

>Favorite 4th grader came to me this am and noticed I had a box out that was labelled “girls’ underwear”.

F4: “Ha-HA! You have a box of girls diapies! You have a box of diap-IES!”
Me: Nooooooo. Panties. Not diapies. And you’re just jealous cause your underpants don’t have flowers on them.
F4: [without any pause] “yeah, well you’re jealous yours don’t have MONSTER TRUCKS!”

I walked right into that one. Let’s just call this one a draw before someone gets sent to the principal’s office.

Also, learn from another fail: If you want to know how germs are spread, mention (any item on your desk) to a five year old. She will, without any pause or warning, jump up, run over and touch it. If you reeeallly want the experience, pick a kid that just puked on her lunch tray. And make the item your spoon.

>The bad: I just spilled a full diet coke on my desk, soaking a few important papers, my desk calendar, and lots of crap that’s just been sitting around until I had “time to put it away”.

The good: this incident was an indirect result of FS’s impression of a certain Caped Crusader. She’s wearing a draping black shirt and it makes her feel ‘super-hero-esque’.

If I had to choose? Definitely worth the mess.