Minor Emergencies

>This kid is a blessing and a curse. I’m having a rough case of the Mondays, and he waltzes in with his chocolate milk. Game on.

He says (through clenched teeth): “My face is frozen.”
Me: hmm. That’s odd, why is it frozen?
Gagsy: I was outside, and the side of my face is frozen. I can’t open my mouth.

I pull his teacher (who is fully aware of our morning routine) into my office and explain to her why he won’t get his medicine today. Lo and behold, his mouth unfreezes! It’s a miracle!

Gagsy (while massaging his jaw): Thank goodness. I was afraid I had frostbite!

If you think climbing Everest is bad, you should try 3rd grade. Good thing we didn’t lose him. I don’t know WHAT I would do for entertainment in the morning.

>A little chipmunk came into my office and sobbed, “IWASOUTSIDEIWASPLAYINGWITHMYFRIENDSANDABALLHITMYFACE!!” Of course, her cute little button nose is entirely intact.

I get her to show it to me and say the magic words: “I’m the nurse and it looks like you’re going to be okay.” When paired with a convincing nod, this statement goes a looong way. She seemed unsure, but began to nod with me. I can imagine her hypnotized child brain to be saying, “yes… YES! I AM going to be okay. Whew.”

I also stumbled upon a fabulous new medical test. We nurses all know Macburney’s point, the battle sign, and Homan’s sign- there are about a bazillion of them. The faker test is remarkably easy. All it takes is a smile on your part, and a light fingertip tap to the tip of the nose. A kiddo with a malingering ailment or an invisible injury will smile- a full dimpled, snaggle-toothed, nose crinkling smile.

The bonus is an immediate attitude adjustment for both parties. As far as I can tell, it works almost every time. I’ll be experimenting and publishing my results in the near future. Wish me luck!

>Favorite 4th grader came to me this am and noticed I had a box out that was labelled “girls’ underwear”.

F4: “Ha-HA! You have a box of girls diapies! You have a box of diap-IES!”
Me: Nooooooo. Panties. Not diapies. And you’re just jealous cause your underpants don’t have flowers on them.
F4: [without any pause] “yeah, well you’re jealous yours don’t have MONSTER TRUCKS!”

I walked right into that one. Let’s just call this one a draw before someone gets sent to the principal’s office.

Also, learn from another fail: If you want to know how germs are spread, mention (any item on your desk) to a five year old. She will, without any pause or warning, jump up, run over and touch it. If you reeeallly want the experience, pick a kid that just puked on her lunch tray. And make the item your spoon.

>The bad: I just spilled a full diet coke on my desk, soaking a few important papers, my desk calendar, and lots of crap that’s just been sitting around until I had “time to put it away”.

The good: this incident was an indirect result of FS’s impression of a certain Caped Crusader. She’s wearing a draping black shirt and it makes her feel ‘super-hero-esque’.

If I had to choose? Definitely worth the mess.

>

Two little boys from kindergarten brought me this rose from their teacher. She even sent me my favorite kiddos on PURPOSE! Talk about awesome.

Anyway, v-day is definitely “the holiday” here in roswell. The school was more wound up than on the day that santa came. It made my job easy though, as none of the kids wanted to be ill for the parties at the end of the day. 🙂 Did I mention the chocolate?

>

Luke told me this morning that Valentine’s day originated in ancient Roman times- that it began as a festival that lasted from Feb 13-15, and involved sacrificial animals, and something about women getting beaten by… umm, maybe the same tools that were used on the animals, or maybe the animals themselves? And that there would be a lottery system where a woman would be “wed” to another man if he drew her name from a hat. And I think the women would want to be beaten (I’m assuming only for THIS festival) because it would make them fertile.

I might be a little fuzzy on the details. Regardless, it originally had nothing to do with chocolate and greeting cards and dozens of roses. Or Cupid for that matter, but I couldn’t very well decorate my bulletin board with sacrificed animals and fertile women. Besides, V-day is growing on me. I want to give it some credit. The kids are all nuts over cheap pieces of colored cardboard- and everyone gets them. I think that’s essential. If you’re in loooove with little Benny, you can give him some cheap colored cardboard. It’s cool. But don’t forget the rest of the kids. So friends, Spread the looooove! Hug a friend, kiss an SO, pet a puppy. Happy Valentine’s Day!

>
I’m currently sitting outside, enjoying a light breeze and 55 degree sunshine. The only thing that would make it better is if I weren’t on the side of Pine Lodge rd, about 7miles out of town with my bike and a very flat tire, waiting for FS to bail me out. I got the flat (2nd in as many rides) and pulled off the road totally ready to kick some butt and fix my flat on my own. This would prove that I rock (we know it’s true) and would probably be faster in the long run… if my patch kit wasn’t older than jesus. The stupid glue is dried out. Who checks that stuff anyway?? So learn from my fail people. Keep a favorite secretary on hand to run by hobby lobby and bring some fresh patch glue when you need it. Or, to drive you to the nearest Sonic for some soul-restorative ice cream.

>
This is getting a little out of hand. Girl Scout cookie season is infinitely more dangerous when you are surrounded by 180 sweet little girls every day. You never know which one is gonna grab you from around the corner and flash that dimpled smile. I certainly don’t buy them because they taste good. I’m just supporting the economy…   😉

>I popped into a classroom today to talk to a teacher. As we’re finishing up, a tiny dude that I haven’t seen in a while was watching me. I stopped talking to have a staring contest with him. I won. He then asked, “Are you the nurse?” This is a kid who, at the beginning of the school year, would purposefully hurt himself by hitting his arm on the desk so that he could visit The Nurse. He also would hang out in my office after school sometimes and draw pictures for me and FS. Adorable kid in need of a little TLC, and he eventually grew out of it.

I knew it had been awhile, but c’mon! I thought we had a history. So I said, “Of course I’m the Nurse! Don’t you remember me?”

He replied, “You look different.”

I’ve been hearing that a lot lately due to my recent change in hairstyle. When we asked what he thought was different- just to see what he would say (in retrospect, not the smartest idea)- he looked me up and down for a little too long. I’m starting to worry about what’s going to pop out of this kids mouth. We already know he doesn’t censor.

After a few moments he says, “You’re wearing a different shirt.”

HA!! Dodged a potentially ego-wounding bullet with that one. I just hadn’t realized I was wearing the EXACT same shirt every time I took care of him. =P

>